Something Has Changed With Mom or Dad – When Should I Call for Help?

When you care for an elderly parent at home, you get to know their normal routine.

You know how much Mom usually eats.

You know how Dad normally walks.

You know whether they are usually talkative, sleepy, forgetful or independent.

That makes you one of the most important people when it comes to noticing that something has changed.

But then comes the difficult question:

Do I watch and wait?

Do I phone the doctor?

Or is this an emergency?

You don't need to diagnose the problem yourself.

Your job is to notice the change, decide how urgent it appears and get the right help.

First Ask: “What Is Different From Normal?”

Don't only look for pain or fever.

Changes can be subtle.

Perhaps Mom normally makes her own tea, but today she can't get out of the chair.

Dad normally knows exactly where he is, but suddenly he seems confused.

Mom usually eats well, but today she refuses everything.

Dad suddenly seems much sleepier than usual.

When caring for an elderly person, a significant change from their normal behaviour or abilities deserves attention.

RED: Call Emergency Services Now

Some situations should not be watched at home to see whether they improve.

Get emergency help if Mom or Dad:

• Is unconscious or cannot be woken normally
• Is struggling severely to breathe
• Has severe or crushing chest pain
• Suddenly develops weakness or numbness, particularly on one side
• Suddenly has a drooping face or difficulty speaking
• Has a seizure that is prolonged, repeated, or their first known seizure
• Has severe uncontrolled bleeding
• Collapses and doesn't recover normally
• Has a serious injury after a fall
• Has severe burns
• Develops severe swelling of the face or throat or difficulty breathing after food or medication
• Becomes suddenly confused, even without other obvious symptoms
• Has a sudden severe headache unlike their usual headaches, especially with weakness, speech problems, collapse or confusion

If you believe someone's life may be in danger, call emergency services rather than trying to drive them yourself.

In South Africa, 112 can be called from a cellphone for emergency assistance.

Keep your preferred ambulance or emergency provider's number somewhere visible as well.

Remember FAST for Possible Stroke

A stroke can happen suddenly.

Remember:

F – FACE
Ask Mom to smile. Does one side of the face droop?

A – ARMS
Ask Dad to raise both arms. Is one suddenly weak or drifting down?

S – SPEECH
Ask them to repeat a simple sentence. Is their speech suddenly slurred, strange or difficult?

T – TIME
If you notice these signs, call emergency services immediately.

Don't wait to see whether the symptoms disappear.

Note the time the symptoms started—or the last time the person was known to be their normal self—because this can be important for the hospital.

YELLOW: Get Professional Advice Today

Not every change requires an ambulance, but some shouldn't wait several days for a routine appointment.

Contact the doctor, clinic, nurse or appropriate healthcare professional the same day if Mom or Dad:

• Has become much weaker
• Is unusually sleepy
• Is repeatedly vomiting
• Has diarrhoea that is continuing or causing weakness
• Is eating or drinking much less than normal
• Is passing much less urine than usual
• Develops new pain that isn't settling
• Develops a fever and seems unwell
• Has burning or pain when passing urine
• Has blood in the urine or stool
• Develops new swelling
• Has a wound that becomes increasingly red, swollen, painful, smelly or starts producing discharge
• Develops new or worsening skin damage
• Has repeated falls
• Has an unexplained fall or collapse
• Develops new difficulty walking
• Develops new problems swallowing
• Regularly coughs or chokes while eating or drinking
• Has a significant change soon after starting or changing medication

The exact urgency depends on the person and the severity of the symptoms.

If they are getting worse quickly, don't wait for a routine appointment.

Sudden Confusion Is Not Something to Ignore

Families sometimes say:

“Mom is old. She's just confused today.”

But sudden confusion is different from someone's usual forgetfulness.

If Dad normally knows where he is and suddenly doesn't recognise his bedroom, becomes unusually agitated, starts seeing things that aren't there, becomes very sleepy or behaves completely differently, something may be wrong.

Sudden confusion can occur when an elderly person is unwell.

Sudden confusion needs immediate medical assessment. Don't wait for other symptoms before getting help.

If the confusion has appeared suddenly, seek emergency help. Tell the healthcare team about any weakness, fever, breathing problems, fall or recent medication change.

Watch Eating and Drinking

One missed meal usually isn't an emergency.

But look at the bigger picture.

Has Mom barely eaten for two days?

Is Dad refusing drinks?

Is swallowing suddenly difficult?

Are they vomiting everything they drink?

Are they becoming increasingly weak or sleepy?

These changes need attention.

Don't force food or drinks into someone who is very drowsy or struggling to swallow.

Get professional help.

Pay Attention to Breathing

Know what Mom or Dad's normal breathing looks like.

Seek urgent help if they suddenly struggle to breathe, cannot speak comfortably because of breathlessness, appear blue or grey around the lips, collapse, or become unusually confused or difficult to wake.

Breathing difficulty can become serious quickly.

After a Fall, Don't Only Look for Broken Bones

A fall can sometimes be a warning that something else happened first.

Ask:

“Why did Dad fall?”

Did he trip?

Did he become dizzy?

Did he faint?

Did his legs suddenly become weak?

Does he remember what happened?

If there is no obvious reason for the fall, or the person collapsed, became dizzy, developed weakness or cannot remember the event, seek medical advice.

And if you suspect a serious injury, don't pull them up from the floor.

Changes After Medication Matter

If Mom has recently started a new medication or the dose has changed, pay attention to new symptoms.

If something concerning develops, contact the appropriate healthcare professional.

For severe difficulty breathing, collapse, or swelling of the face, tongue or throat, seek emergency help immediately.

Keep an updated medication list available so you can tell the healthcare professional exactly what your parent is taking.

GREEN: Small Changes Can Sometimes Be Watched

Some minor changes can reasonably be observed at home when Mom or Dad otherwise seems well.

But don't simply say:

“Let's see how it goes.”

Actually observe.

Write down:

• What changed
• When it started
• Whether it is getting better or worse
• Eating and drinking
• Toilet habits
• Pain
• Temperature if available and appropriate
• Any recent falls
• Recent medication changes
• Anything else unusual

If the problem continues, worsens or new symptoms appear, seek advice.

Trust What You Know About Your Parent

Sometimes you won't be able to explain exactly what is wrong.

You may simply think:

“This isn't my mom today.”

That matters.

You know their normal behaviour.

If your instincts tell you that something has changed significantly, pay attention to it.

You don't need to know the diagnosis before asking for help.

When You Phone for Help, Have Information Ready

Before calling, if you can do so without delaying an emergency, have the following ready:

• Mom or Dad's name and age
• What happened
• When it started
• What is different from normal
• Whether they are awake and responding
• Whether they are breathing normally
• Where they have pain
• Any recent falls
• Current medication
• Important health conditions
• Your address and contact number

Keep this information together in the family care file.

During an emergency, you don't want to be searching through drawers for medication boxes and paperwork.

You Don't Need to Make the Diagnosis

Families sometimes delay calling because they are worried about “overreacting.”

You don't need to phone and say:

“My dad has pneumonia.”

You can say:

“My dad is normally able to walk to the kitchen and talk to us. Today he is extremely weak, sleeping most of the time and hardly drinking. This is not normal for him.”

That is useful information.

Your job at home is not to diagnose.

Your job is to:

NOTICE the change.

RESPOND to how serious it appears.

CALL for help when you are concerned.

And when something feels seriously wrong, don't wait for the situation to become worse before asking for help.

Sometimes the most important thing a family caregiver can say is simply:

“This is not normal for my mom or dad, and I need help.”

This guide supports everyday family care. It does not replace an individual assessment, diagnosis, treatment or advice from your parent’s healthcare team. For urgent concerns, seek medical help.